


Dearly Beloved

by FlowerladyAerith



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-25 04:26:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16654243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlowerladyAerith/pseuds/FlowerladyAerith
Summary: AU in which Xehanort succeeds and claims Kingdom Hearts as his own. Aqua and Kairi have survived and want nothing more than to be reunited with their fallen loved ones. Their desperation drives them into depths of darkness that no Keyblade Master or Princess of Heart should ever know. Will they succeed in their efforts or fall to the darkness within?





	1. Aqua

Her blue eyes were bleary as she stepped out of bed and tucked her feet into navy slippers that could’ve belonged to a giant. With a heavy sigh she stood, and began her morning routine.

She made it to her bathroom with a practiced, unsteady gait. Her whole body sagged as she looked at her drained appearance. The dark circles under her eyes seemed to worsen with every passing day, and her skin had an unhealthy glow underneath the fluorescents. She robotically began to take care of her hygiene and appearance.

Today she chose to leave her blue tresses alone. Her hair was getting too long to style properly, anyway. She ran her fingers through some of the oily strands; they fell limp on the side of her head. She could only imagine how horrible her hair smelled. Perhaps she should go to the salon?

_"I love your hair like that, it’s so soft…"_

She shook her head. She didn’t feel like going outside today. Trudging back to her bedroom, she began to look for something suitable to wear. A different t-shirt. A different pair of leggings, maybe. She sniffed the pair she’d been wearing for a week. With a shrug, she began slipping them over her feet.  

Next was breakfast. She wanted something simple. Her energy was as limited as her groceries. She could hardly remember the last time she went grocery shopping.  

Aqua opened her refrigerator, blue eyes falling on the magnet on the freezer door. It was her and them, together, on their last successful mission. They were celebrating the news of-never mind.  

Refocusing on the barren fridge shelves, she noticed the white carton hiding behind the jar of most likely expired mayonnaise. Eggs. She still had eggs. She glanced at the top of her fridge. And bread. Toast and eggs.

Once she’d prepared her meal, Aqua settled into her black couch cushions with her small plate. The only sound in her living room was her own chewing, but even that disappeared into the silence once she finished her meal. She paused, feeling the emptiness of her surroundings.

“What’s left on my list?”

_“Light, Aqua! Can’t you live a little? Ditch the list.”_

_“Yeah, it’s more fun that way, Aqua! You can’t plan everything.”_

Her only reaction to their familiar voices was a sad smile. If only she’d known how true Ven’s words were, maybe she could’ve prepared better. She dared to glance at one of the picture frames she had lying face down on the mahogany bookshelf. The urge to look at their faces was irresistible. Perhaps she could just look at them once. For old time’s sake.

She shuffled over to the bookshelf. The top shelf had once proudly housed a row of pictures, but now they were all lying face down, dust gathered on their stands. Aqua reached for the frame on the farthest left, and dared look at the image underneath its dirty glass.

It was of the three of them when they were younger. Master Eraqus had secretly taken this photo while they were having one of their famous, three-way arguments. Aqua was 12, tall, and a ball of awkward limbs. She was sitting away from them with her arms crossed tightly to her flat chest. Terra was 14, lanky, and still hadn’t won the right to keep his brown hair long. He was red in the face, hands digging through his scalp. Ven was only 10, covered in dirt, and small for his age. He was a ball of fury, looking like a chihuahua attempting to take on a great dane. Aqua couldn’t remember what the argument was about, but she knew the Master had ended it after he took the photo and forced them all to apologize.

She placed a hand on her heart. Her chest felt hollow underneath her calloused palm. If only they were here to reminisce with her.

_“Terra looks like such a dweeb with that haircut!”_

_“Says the resident munchkin.”_

_“Hey! I filled out eventually!”_

Aqua shook the voices from her head and returned the frame to its place. She was compelled to grab the next one. She inhaled sharply, needles of pain shooting through her chest. She’d thought she’d hidden away all her wedding photos.

Terra looked so handsome in his tuxedo. His tanned face was glowing, and his deep, blue eyes were only for her as they shared their first dance as husband and wife. His strong arms were wrapped around her, muscles still apparent through the tuxedo jacket. He’d had such a hard time finding a tailor that could make something in his size.

She spied Ven and their Master seated at a table, watching with proud smiles. Ven’s blonde hair still looked wind swept despite looking otherwise put-together in his dress clothes. Master Eraqus was sufficiently grayed, but still a picture of health, which is why it was such a shock when he-

Aqua slammed the photo back in its place. “I-I don’t need this right now.”

_“Aqua, you don’t need us anymore?”_

She could perfectly picture Ven’s frowning face, the pucker of his thin lips. “No, that’s not what I meant!” Steeling herself, Aqua continued her painful stroll down memory lane.

She grabbed the last frame and flipped it over. Her throat tightened, and her eyes filled with tears. Aqua sunk to the floor, clutching the frame in her trembling fingers. Seeing them, the most precious people in her life, was too much. Looking at their innocent faces knowing what they would have to endure was too painful.

“No!” she cried, tears flooding her vision. “How could this have happened? How could I have been so weak?” Aqua glanced at the photo again and sobbed. She’d been powerless to stop fate. She hadn’t been able to save them when they needed her the most. She raised the frame as if to throw it, but her arm suddenly froze.

**_Only your heart is hollow enough to be a demon’s_ **

“No-!” She couldn’t get enough air. The room was spinning. The sound of her own laughter taunted her as she spiraled--

_“Aqua, it’s okay.”_

His strong hand was on her arm as he knelt beside her. She could feel his other arm snake around her waist as his brown head dropped to rest atop hers. The gentle sounds of his deep voice soothed her.

_“Ssh. I’m here, Aqua. I’m here.”_

She took in a deep breath and shook her head. “They say you’re not. That you’re g-gone.” She choked on the words as she spoke them.

Terra’s hand squeezed her side. _“Is anyone ever really gone?”_

Aqua turned her head and fell into his warm gaze. His face was radiant as though surrounded by a light glow. He looked so real. Surely, he was there with her. Her shaky hand dropped the frame, allowing it to clatter across the wooden floor. She reached for his cheek. Surely, she would feel his skin, but her hand went through his image.

Her face twisted into a pained expression. “Terra, stay with me. Terra!”

Aqua leapt toward where his body had been and slammed against the wall. With a strangled cry, she slid further onto the floor, curling her legs into her chest.

“Terra…please…don’t leave me here. Not like this.”

She clamped her eyes shut, the oils from her face stinging. “Return to the present, Aqua. Come back,” she whispered as she wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s just your mind playing tricks on you.”

**_Is there any point in continuing this fight?_ **

Her eyes flashed open. Instead of her living room, Aqua was surrounded by a vast, rocky expanse. A canyon in the middle of an endless desert of cracked earth and decay. She shielded her eyes with her hand as a powerful sandstorm swept through. The force pushed her, and she stumbled against something on the ground. Aqua looked down and screamed.

Ven was lying at her feet, his limbs broken and twisted unnaturally. Sand was caked onto his dark armor as though he’d been there for ages. His lifeless, blue eyes were forever frozen in fear. His last expression so unlike his usual, overwhelming optimism.

“No, Ven, _no_.”

Aqua dropped to his side, placing a hand atop his bloodied head. She used her other hand to touch his arm. He was cold as ice despite the sweltering heat of the world. His skin was ashen and appeared almost bleached.

Immediately, she set to heal him. Calling upon the magic that easily flowed through her, she conjured the most powerful cure spell she knew. Instead of feeling the light move through her fingers and into Ven’s body, nothing happened. Aqua panicked. She searched her pockets for spare potions, but soon discovered her pouch was missing. Her desperation surged.

She began to shake him. “Ven, please…wake up…”

Suddenly, his head moved, and his glassy, vacant eyes turned to look right through her. “Let me go, Aqua…” came his hoarse whisper.

“I can’t!” she cried, “I can’t!”

Ven coughed, black blood spluttering out from his cracked lips. “But you have to, I’m already dead.”

Before her eyes, his body withered and turned to dust. She tried to keep him in her hands, but the wind surged and blew him away.

“Ven! Terra!”

 

* * *

 

Aqua jolted awake, disturbing the thick layer of sweat covering her body. Her paranoid gaze searched her living room frantically. Somehow, she’d ended up on the floor next to her couch. The white plate she’d eaten breakfast off of was broken and scattered across floor.

Her eyes quickly flew to the bookshelf behind her. There was nothing on its shelves. She’d hidden those pictures long ago.

With a heavy sigh, she concluded, “Another nightmare.”

_Bang_

She jumped, her heartbeat leaping with her. She couldn’t stop herself from shaking as she stood. Her hand tensed around the Keyblade she’d unconsciously summoned, Rainfell.

_Bang_

Her instincts took over. She silently raced toward her back door, blade raised as she made her final approach. The back door flew open and Aqua charged, only to skid to a stop and run into her floral wallpaper at the familiar, feminine cry.

“Aqua, it’s _me_!”

Aqua sighed and let her Keyblade disappear. “Kairi, I already warned you not to come through the back.”

Kairi tucked a lock of red hair behind her ear and nervously smiled. “You didn’t answer the door, so I thought something happened,” she explained, keeping her indigo eyes on her tiny feet.

“I was asleep,” Aqua answered a little too sharply, “…I’m sorry I worried you.” She ran her fingers through her blue hair as Kairi continued to stand in the doorway. Realization struck her like lightning. Kairi had come for a visit.

“Oh! Please, come in. Sorry!” She quickly stepped aside and allowed Kairi into her narrow back hall. After carefully securing all the manual locks on the door, Aqua followed Kairi into the living room area.

“Would you like anything to drink? I still have some of that tea you like,” Aqua offered as she hurried to her kitchen. She began filling her kettle with water despite Kairi’s lack of answer. “It’s the rose one, right?” She set the blue container on the stove and turned on the gas stovetop. “Kairi?”

Finally turning to look at the younger woman, Aqua grimaced. Kairi had been staring at the broken plate on the floor. There was an almost absent look in her unwavering gaze.

Aqua exhaled softly. “Kairi, it’s not-”

“Tell me everything. What did you see?”

Aqua gulped. “It’s really not-”

Kairi let her pink bag fall to the floor. “Don’t tell me that!” she cried, whipping around to face her. Aqua nearly audibly gasped at the tears falling from her eyes. “You know I know better than anyone what you’re going through. Don’t shut me out.”

Somehow, Aqua found herself smiling. She could never argue with Kairi when she was like this; she was like a raging tornado, capable of sweeping up everything in her line of sight. “All right,” she relented, “But we’ll talk with tea.”

“I’ll clean this up for you,” Kairi offered quickly. Aqua didn’t have time to decline her help. Kairi had already lowered to the floor with lightning speed and began picking up the larger pieces of the broken plate.

Knowing Kairi wouldn’t accept her help, Aqua returned to making the tea. She pulled two polka dot mugs from the cabinet closest to her refrigerator, and then walked to the small pantry to pull out the box of rose chamomile tea.

Aqua hadn’t cared much for tea until Kairi entered her life. There were many things that had changed about her since they met that day.

 

* * *

 

_Aqua sat on her couch with her head in her hands. She was surrounded with books. Books sprawled on the floor. Books stacked on the coffee table. Books sitting on the couch cushions next to her. Each was opened to a page and several were heavily marked with bent corners._

_“No, no, No! There must be a way!”_

_Pushing her bangs out of her face, she returned to furiously flipping through the pages of the tome currently in her lap. According to Master Yen Sid, this book contained every time spell known to mage-kind. Truthfully, she’d known it would be hard for Yen Sid to give her what she needed when she’d kept her intentions hidden. The powerful man would’ve strongly discouraged her if she’d told him her plans. Still, if this book didn’t have what she was looking for…well, Aqua couldn’t afford to wonder._

_Her door bell suddenly rang, ripping her attention from the line she’d been reading. Barely suppressing a groan, she massaged between her eyes. She hadn’t been expecting anyone. In fact, she hadn’t been expecting anyone since Terra and Ven…left._

_Keyblade in hand, she cautiously approached the door. She squinted through the peephole and was surprised to see a head of vibrant, red hair standing on the other side. The woman lifted her face as though sensing Aqua’s gaze. Despite her fair, gentle complexion, there was a fire burning in her uniquely colored eyes. Her hands flew to her slender hips._

_“I know you’re in there!”_

_“I suppose I have no choice,” Aqua muttered. She allowed her Keyblade to disappear and began undoing the locks of her front door. There were four, a magically enforced latch, and a protect spell she had to temporarily disable._

_She cracked the green door open, just wide enough to reveal her sullen, unenthusiastic face. “Is there something I can help you with?”_

_The woman blinked, as though she was surprised Aqua had even opened the door. However, she was quick to wipe away her stupefied look, and replace it with a rehearsed smile._

_“Hi, I’m Kairi,” she announced with an overly cheery tone, “You are Ms. Ta-?”_

_“That’s Mrs. Takahashi.” The venom in her voice was chilling and she could tell Kairi felt it._

_The younger woman shifted uncomfortably. “R-Right. Well, it is a pleasure to meet you.” She bowed slightly before continuing, “I’m from the Destiny Islands peer group.”_

_Aqua couldn’t hide her disdain. She’d been ignoring their calls for as long as she could remember. The reason she’d moved to Destiny Islands was to have some peace and quiet. She did not want to be part of a war victims group. She_ didn’t _need peers. What she_ needed _was to find a spell that could fix all of this and bring back the people she loved more than life itself._

_“Um, you have heard of the group, right?” Kairi’s voice rose an octave._

_“Yes, I have,” Aqua finally admitted, “But I don’t want anything to do with it.”_

_Kairi faltered momentarily. It almost looked as though she’d come prepared for a fight. Aqua couldn’t help but wonder how much she knew about her. “I don’t either,” she confessed, face flushing, “But I think you’re the only one who can help me. Please!” Kairi bowed again, this time deeper and with more desperation._

_Aqua wrapped her arms around herself. She didn’t know what she could say. There was a part of her that wanted to help, that wanted to do what she could for those in need. After all, without that inclination she wouldn’t have become a Keyblade Master. But after losing them, she wasn’t so sure she was capable of helping anyone._

“Come on, Aqua. Look at her. She hasn’t budged.” _Ven was next to her with a grin on his face._ “Have a heart!”

_Terra’s large hand covered her shoulder._ “Master always said there were no coincidences. She’s come to you for a reason.”

_Aqua groaned. “Okay! I’ll hear you out. But I’m not promising anything.”_

_Kairi jumped up, a true smile lighting her features. “Oh, thank you! You won’t regret this!”_

_Somehow, Aqua was sure she would._

 

* * *

 

Aqua watched as Kairi stirred honey into her mug. She was on her third serving. The mask of concentration she wore betrayed the worry that she was feeling. As if sensing her gaze, Kairi lifted her eyes from the swirling, brown liquid. Her delicate emotions were written clearly in her irises.

“I know you want to say something,” Aqua began, “So, go ahead. It’s not going to break me.”

Kairi frowned, removing the spoon from her cup. She watched the tea closely, seemingly frozen. “I’m scared you already are broken.” Aqua inhaled sharply. “These…dreams that you have are so vivid. Sometimes you’ve said they even happen when you’re awake, like Terra and Ven are actually _with_ you. I worry that it’s getting worse, Aqua.” She paused, fingers clenching. “…Or that maybe I’m the one that’s broken. Why can’t I see Sora like you can see them?”

Aqua didn’t have a response. She wasn’t sure there was anything she could say to make Kairi feel better. Aqua had been haunted by Terra and Ven since the day they were lost to her. Everywhere she looked she could see them, feel them, and hear their voices. Before Kairi came into her life, they were her constant companions. Her _only_ companions. It wasn’t until Kairi questioned this that she even thought it was strange. Somehow, it seemed stranger to her that they wouldn’t be there.

“I wish I could see him,” Kairi whispered as she placed her mug on the glass coffee table, “I don’t care what it would do to me. Seeing him again would be worth it.”

“Kairi, these dreams I have aren’t pleasant,” Aqua argued, “They are painful and raw. It’s like reliving the loss again and again.”

Kairi held her head in her hands. “I know that. But I’m already in pain, Aqua. Every day I wake up and he’s not there is like losing Sora again and again. Every day I visit Riku at the hospital, hoping he’ll wake up is like losing him again.” Her voice wavered. “H-He’s getting worse, Aqua. The mages told me there’s no point in preserving him when there’s other people who could be saved. They said all the light magic in the world won’t save Riku now.”

“Kairi-”

“I can’t lose him too!” Kairi cried, surrendering to the sobs that shook her slender frame. In her curled position, she looked smaller than Aqua had ever seen her. “I don’t care about those other people. I just want Riku to open his eyes, no matter what it takes. _What’s happening to me?_ ”

Aqua set her cup down and flung her arms around Kairi as she sunk further. “I feel this darkness inside me, Aqua. It’s tearing me apart! I wanted to hurt them for saying that. A-Am I like _him_? Am I becoming like Xehanort?”

“If you are, so am I.”

Kairi shook her head with a sob. “But Sora didn’t _die_ for me so I could fall to darkness!”

Aqua held her as Kairi turned into her body and cried into her t-shirt. It pained Aqua to see her this way, but she knew no words of reassurance would help. After all, they’d never worked for her. What good was saying sorry when it wouldn’t bring the one you loved back? No amount of apologies or well wishes were going to bring Terra and Ven back to life. No sympathetic words were going to revive Sora and Riku. There was no point in wasting her breath. Instead, she clutched Kairi as tightly as she could and sat with her pain.

Kairi had always done what she could to comfort her. It was only natural for Aqua to do the same in those few moments Kairi let herself fall apart in her presence.

 

* * *

 

_Initially, Aqua wanted nothing to do with the woman seated on her floor with her nose in a book. However, Kairi had proven to be just what she needed. The wisdom of the Master’s words never seemed to fade. Now, if only she could find the spell she needed to ensure that she could keep learning from him._

_She flipped a few more pages before roughly shutting the red book in her hands. She dropped it atop the growing stack on her coffee table. Aqua had been looking through Yen Sid’s books for much longer than she’d intended, and she hadn’t gotten any closer to finding what she needed._

_“This is hopeless,” she surrendered, throwing her head back onto her couch, “I was foolish to think there would even be a time spell that powerful!”_

_She heard Kairi close her book and stand. Perhaps she was going to leave now that Aqua had given up. She was surprised when she felt the woman’s fingers weaving through her dirty hair. The sensation was overwhelmingly soothing, especially for Aqua, who hadn’t been touched by another human since Terra had kissed her on the battlefield._

_“Did you ever think we’re maybe looking in the wrong place?” Kairi asked quietly. As she massaged further into her scalp, Aqua felt her eyes flutter shut. She couldn’t resist the warm tingles that were spreading across her scalp and numbing her worried mind. “Riku once told me the Light is too scared to go into the Darkness, and part of the reason for that is that the Darkness is willing to go to places that are considered taboo.” Kairi’s skilled fingers dug digger into her hair, drawing small circles near her temples. “I wonder if maybe we’re just looking in the wrong place.”_

_Aqua struggled to speak. “What are you suggesting?”_

_“You’re a master, right? Know of any forbidden texts?” She shuddered as Kairi swept the bangs out of her face and tucked the longer hairs behind her ears. “I know we shouldn’t test our luck, but…I’ll bring Sora and Riku back no matter what it takes. I’m not afraid.” She ran her fingers through Aqua’s hair one more time before placing them on her tense shoulders. “What about you?”_

_“I have nothing to fear anymore,” Aqua answered as she gathered her bearings again. Her eyes opened. Kairi was looking down upon her with that fierce look she’d had when she first came to her doorstep. Aqua could feel her own motivation returning. “The Master has a collection of books locked up in the Land of Departure that he instructed Terra and I to ensure no one ever opened. We can start there.”_

_Kairi’s nimble hands began rubbing into the Aqua’s shoulder blades. The woman couldn’t help but let out a moan as she sunk further into her couch. Kairi giggled as she applied more pressure._

_“Sora used to like when I did this for him too,” she explained, almost absently, “He’d get so many knots swinging his Keyblade around like gravity didn’t affect him.”_

_Aqua didn’t fight the peace falling over her as Kairi continued to talk about things she used to do with Sora. She never got to meet Sora, but she felt she knew him through Kairi’s stories. He reminded her of Ven. When the loss didn’t hurt so much, she liked to imagine that the two of them would’ve been friends._

_Her thoughts of Ven soon led to thoughts of Terra. When Kairi stopped talking, Aqua felt the need to fill the space between them. “Terra was the opposite,” she shared, “All gravity. Heavy, hard-hitting swings. Sparing with him was like hitting a wall sometimes.” She paused, daring herself to say more._

_“I have him to thank for my agility. He kept me on my toes, and not just in training. We had a healthy rivalry when we were kids. He’d try to show me up and I’d try to out wit him. We drove the Master crazy with our antics.”_

_Her grief re-punctured the wound in her heart. Aqua couldn’t stop the sudden tears from flooding her vision. The thought that he could be gone forever was unbearable. She needed him. She needed him so much she couldn’t stand it._

_Kairi had hopped onto the couch, knocking books to the floor in her effort to comfort her. Her slender arms shot around Aqua and pulled her into her chest. Aqua couldn’t resist her and even if she could, she wouldn’t have._

_Aqua gripped Kairi’s lavender top, fingertips trembling against the soft fabric. She felt something drop onto her head and looked up. Kairi was crying too. “We’ll get them back, right?” she found herself asking._

_“Yes, we have to,” Kairi breathed._

_If only Aqua could’ve known how far from the truth that was._

 

* * *

 

Kairi eventually quieted as Aqua held her steady in her lap. Aqua peered down through Kairi’s red bangs to see that her eyes were closed. She’d fallen asleep. Aqua sighed softly. She wished she could’ve spared Kairi all this pain.

As she watched Kairi’s tear stained face, she was reminded of everything the woman had sacrificed for her. Aqua would never forget how she’d found her collapsed on the ground, body oozing darkness. She’d been forced to travel to Yen Sid and risk his life to save Kairi’s. The powerful man had saved her, but Kairi would never be the same.

Yen Sid had explained that the younger woman had used the rest of the light in her heart to save Aqua. As a result, it was possible she would never know the Light again. Kairi never should’ve had to make that choice. She clutched her tighter, wishing the way her body fit against hers was comforting.

Aqua blamed herself for everything. If she had been quicker, she could’ve saved Ven from falling to his death. If she had been wiser, she could’ve seen what Xehanort was doing and stopped him from cornering Terra on the battlefield. If she had been stronger, she wouldn’t have walked away from the war, and sent the younger generation to their deaths. Like Kairi’s loved ones, Sora and Riku. They should’ve never been forced into this fight. She should’ve defeated Xehanort all those years ago herself.

_“You can’t blame yourself for everything, Aqua.”_

She turned to see Terra seated in the plaid, lounge chair to right of her couch. “Yes, I can,” she answered, “My weakness caused all of this. I’ve failed as a Master…and as a wife.”

Terra’s face fell. The pain in his eyes hurt her heart. _“No, Aqua. You couldn’t be farther from the truth. You were all I ever dreamed.”_

Now she knew she was imagining him. “No, becoming a Keyblade Master was your dream.”

He smiled sweetly, the way he always did when they argued like this. _“No, you were always my dream. The only reason I wanted to be a Keyblade Master was to be by your side.”_

Aqua shut her eyes and turned away. “You’re not real,” she repeated to herself, “This isn’t real.” She felt something soft press against her temple. Aqua opened her eyes, but Terra was already gone.

She glanced down at Kairi again and frowned. “No, Kairi, you don’t want this. It’s better to leave the dead where they belong.” The voice in her head echoed her thoughts.

**_Just let go of everything and fade into darkness_ **


	2. Kairi

“Sora!”

He froze at the sound of her voice, trouble and anguish written on his face. Kairi felt her heartbeat slow as a tear began to fall from his ocean blue eyes. Something was wrong.

This wasn’t how they greeted each other. Sora always ran and held her as tight as he could. They would laugh. They would pull a reluctant Riku into their embrace. Then, the three of them would walk back to Kairi’s home and make up for lost time.

“Sora, what’s-”

Riku’s still body came into view. She watched as he was carried on a stretcher down the ramp from the gummi ship by a group of white mages. Her eyes were drawn to the blood staining his clothes. All the excitement she’d felt at their return to the islands dissipated. Kairi wanted to follow, but there was no time. Sora had already fallen onto his hands and knees.

“I couldn’t protect him!” he gasped, shaking uncontrollably, “After everything, h-he still got him!”

Kairi placed her hand on his back and joined him on the ground. Her own eyes were stinging with sadness. “I should’ve been there,” she whispered angrily, “I should’ve been fighting beside you.”

Sora couldn’t respond. He was too consumed with his grief. It was then she noticed he was also covered in blood. It was caked in his hair, shirt, and between his fingers.

“I should’ve been with you!” She wrapped him in her arms, digging her head into the crook of his neck. He smelled of sweat, metal, and dirt, but she didn’t let go. She’d let him fight alone. She couldn’t let him fall apart alone too.

Eventually, Kairi helped him up, and together they went to keep vigil at Riku’s side. She learned that he’d been struck down trying to watch out for Sora. She learned that the Keyblade had gone straight through his chest, but rather than release his heart, it’d put him in a sleep so deep that he was never expected to wake again. The white mages tried to combat what had befallen him with everything they knew but nothing seemed to work. As the weeks passed, Riku’s condition showed no signs of changing.

Kairi watched Riku’s sleeping face from her seat at his bedside. At least he finally looked at rest, despite everything. He’d worn such a haunted expression since he was bequeathed the Keyblade in his 15th year. She hoped the peace meant he wasn’t in any pain or enduring any mental anguish. She swept some of his growing silver bangs out of his eyes and sighed. Sora was seated beside her with his head in his bare hands.

“Kairi,” came his gravely voice, “I have to go back.” He didn’t look at her.

She gritted her teeth, staring holes into his messy hair. Not this again. “Sora, I thought we agreed you weren’t going back to face him until I finished my training,” she admonished sharply.

Her tone didn’t appear to affect him. He lifted his head and she could see just how hollow he looked. The dark circles. The worry creases in his face. The fear in his once playful eyes. He hardly looked like a 19-year-old anymore. The war had stolen his youth and his best friend.

“I have to go back, Kai. The other wielders are still there fighting. I have a duty, because I can use the Keyblade I have a responsibility to fight for the world order.”

“And what about your duty to me? To Riku?” she nearly shouted, “Aren’t we more important than the world order?”

Sora grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it. She hated how the gesture effortlessly washed away her frustration and replaced it with tenderness. “You already know the answer to that. It’s because you are important that I _have_ to go. What will be left for us if I don’t? There’s no time.”

Kairi closed her eyes. She knew he was right. There was no time. Every day Xehanort waged his war was another day precious hearts were lost to Darkness or the In-Between like Riku’s had been. The only hope for the worlds, _their_ only hope, rested on the shoulders of Keyblade wielders. If they could wrest control of Kingdom Hearts from him then maybe they could restore what he’d destroyed.

“You can’t go alone.”

Sora gave her a look. The one with his quirked eyebrow and sassy gaze. It communicated every refusal Kairi knew he was thinking.

“You’re not going to talk me out of it. You said so yourself. I have a Keyblade. I have a responsibility.”

Sora ran his fingers through his spikes. “You don’t play fair, do you?”

Kairi moved his arms and settled into his lap. She felt him wrap around her as she rested her head in the crook of his neck. “Not when it comes to you,” she answered before kissing his cheek.

He pushed some of her hair out of her face and kissed her willing lips. “No chance I’ll talk you out of it?” She shook her head. “All right, then. It’s not pretty out there, Kai.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

A faint smile formed on his lips, as though she had amused him. “I know.” He turned his head away, letting his eyes settle on the tiled floor of Riku’s infirmary room. She wished she could ease the pain he was feeling.

“Sora-”

“Wait, Kairi.”

She sucked in a breath.

He turned to her again and laced his fingers with hers. There was an eagerness in his eyes that she hadn’t seen in a long time. “When we come back, let’s get ma-”

She stopped him with a kiss. Sora didn’t need to finish his thought. She already knew. He pulled her body closer to his; she could feel his need in the way he gently trembled underneath her lips and soothing caresses. She hoped he knew that she needed him just as much, if not more. If only she could have known how she would regret his silence.

She’d always known that if Sora didn’t return to the islands his absence would destroy her. Kairi hadn’t been able to imagine a more painful fate than not knowing what happened to him. There was no way she could’ve prepared for what was to come.

Kairi raised her floral Keyblade to block the onslaught of dark, flaming spheres volleying against her. Her body was heavy, and her breath was short. The rose armor that covered her body felt more like a hindrance than an ally.

She’d gotten separated from Sora some time ago, swept into a battle with a muscular man in a black helmet. The moment she’d stepped foot into the canyon that led to Xehanort’s Kingdom Hearts, he’d targeted her. Perhaps he’d been drawn to the light in her heart. Perhaps she’d looked like easy prey. She had no way of knowing. He wouldn’t say a word to her.

She forced him back with a light barrier and followed up with a counterattack. Her blade swiped through the air, catching an after-image of where he’d been. She felt him strike her back, hard, before tumbling to the ground. Kairi was beginning to wonder if she’d live long enough to make it back to Sora.

The man lunged toward her with remarkable speed. She managed to stop him again with another barrier, but her magic was depleting fast. He was relentless, continually charging and slashing at the shining bubble around her. Cracks were already forming on its surface. The shield shattered; She didn’t have to see him to know his blade was aimed for her chest. This was the end.

_I’m sorry, Sora_.

She heard a cry that wasn’t her own. Kairi opened her eyes to see Sora collapse in front of her.

The world around her ceased to exist as she stooped down beside him. Her hands fell on top of the gaping hole in his chest as though covering it would fix what was wrong.

“S-Sora, how-?” tumbled from her disbelieving mouth.

He coughed, drops of blood speckling his chapped lips. He managed a pained grin. “I’m always with you, K-Kairi.” His eyes went blank as his body shook. She watched, frozen, as his heart floated into the sky.

“No! Sora…” His body disappeared into flecks of light, slipping between her fingers, and evaporating into the air around her. All that remained was the charm she’d given him years ago. Battered and worn, it rested on the earth where Sora should’ve been.

“No… _I won’t let him go_!” With her scream, a powerful light flew from her body and swept across the land like a tsunami.

 

* * *

 

Kairi jumped up from her resting place. Her face was wet and slimy with tears. She wiped her eyes with her arms and sat up in the unfamiliar bed. “W-Wha?” she murmured groggily, “Sora?”

As soon as his name tumbled out her mouth she remembered. Sora was gone, and she’d cried herself to sleep in Aqua’s arms. She glanced around the room; Aqua wasn’t with her now. A chill crept over her as her loneliness became more evident. Hugging herself, she dared step off the bed and walk toward the door. There was light coming from underneath it. She hoped this meant Aqua was still awake. She didn’t want to be alone.

She quietly opened the door and crept into the hall. She could hear metal clanking and Aqua’s strained voice as she neared the kitchen.

“I tried to bring you back, I tried so hard.”

“Ven, I can’t keep living like this.”

“I want to be in the darkness with the both of you.”

Kairi clutched her heart tightly. Aqua’s sorrow cut deeper than hers sometimes. The older woman was more tortured than she was. She grimaced. _To think, I was once so focused on her doing something for me that I couldn’t see what this was doing to her._

After she’d returned from the battlefield, Kairi had to report Sora’s demise to the Destiny Islands officials. It didn’t go well. For one, she couldn’t remember anything after watching Sora disappear. Two, she was extremely volatile and lashed out at her interviewers. She was deemed unfit for combat and stripped of her status as a Keyblade wielder by her former master. That had supposedly been for her own protection, but that didn’t make it any less humiliating.

Kairi was then referred to a war victim support group and told to try and cope with her losses. But how does anyone cope with a loss like the one she had suffered? The group wasn’t helpful, but she had hoped if she kept going she could convince someone to let her fight again.

Her heart craved revenge more than anything else. She wanted nothing more than to plunge her blade into Xehanort’s chest and watch as his life expired from his eyes. The white mages had tried to explain the fragility of her heart to her, but Kairi ignored them, believing they were seeking more reasons to keep her trapped on the island. For weeks she hardly ate or slept, mind focused solely on how to destroy the man that had taken everything away from her.

That’s when she heard about Aqua. She overheard the group’s facilitators talking about the cranky, magical woman who refused to face her grief and wanted to chase after a way to bring her loved ones back. The facilitators laughed at this, but Kairi reveled in the knowledge. All it took was a quick scan of the island directory to find her address.

It wasn’t easy to earn Aqua’s trust, or respect, for that matter. But after a week of helping the ex-Keyblade Master scour through tomes of magic spells, Kairi made herself indispensable to Aqua’s plan. It had been Kairi’s idea to search the dark texts, and she blamed herself every day for what had happened. It’d been her fault Aqua was placed in harm’s way. She had vowed to stick to Aqua’s side since then, hoping she could somehow make up for what they both lost that day.

 

* * *

 

_The Land of Departure was more beautiful than Kairi thought it would be. It couldn’t rival her home world, but it had its own welcoming ambience. The home Aqua grew up in rivaled the size of the Radiant Garden castle. Following the older woman through its corridors, she suspected it was just as confusing to navigate as well._

_A door had been left open in the hall they were hurrying through. Kairi’s eyes caught sight of a bed and she paused. Silently, she poked her head through the open door was surprised to discover an entire bedroom. Though it was dark, she could tell it’d been decorated in warm tones. Clothes and toys were scattered across the floor, and the large window over the bed had a wonderful view of the night sky._

_“Don’t fall behind, Kairi.”_

_She stiffened and quickly ducked out of the room. Aqua was staring at her with a raised brow. Her face warmed as she hurried to her side and matched her stride._

_“Find something interesting?”_

_“I just wondered who’s room that was,” she admitted timidly._

_“Ven’s.” Aqua’s tone betrayed her._

_Kairi had suspected that this place would be full of memories for Aqua, but she hadn’t considered how painful it would be. Though Aqua would never complain, she could tell walking these halls again wasn’t easy for her. Kairi silently promised she wouldn’t do anymore snooping._

_They turned down a few more halls and stopped in front of a pair of large, golden doors._

_“The Master’s office,” Aqua announced curtly. Her Keyblade flashed into her hand. She jumped back and gracefully waved it toward the center of the doors. A beam of blinding light shot from the tip and opened the office with the click of a lock._

_The office was decorated more modestly than Kairi expected, given the fancy unlocking sequence. Aqua moved directly to the bookshelf and pulled a blue tome from the top, causing the bookshelf to swing right and reveal a darkened tunnel._

_“What we want is down this way,” Aqua explained, setting the book atop the mahogany desk in the center of the room. Her hand lingered on its surface for a moment, fingers twitching atop the book’s cover._

_Kairi sucked in a breath. Perhaps coming here hadn’t been such a good idea. She shook the thought from her head as she followed Aqua down the stone steps. Getting Sora and Riku back was worth any pain she or Aqua might feel. Besides, Aqua was doing this for her friends too. She wasn’t the only one benefitting from this trip. It was worth it…right?_

_“These are the books.” Aqua’s voice echoed off the walls as Kairi stepped off the last stair. The room was narrow and circular. The gray, stone walls were lined with four bookshelves, each holding what looked like 100s of books. Kairi mentally rolled up her sleeves. They were going to be here for a while._

 

* * *

“You’re not real, you’re _not_ real!”

Kairi hurried into the kitchen. She found Aqua gripping her countertop so hard her hands had turned white. Her eyes seemed distant, as though she was looking at someone when no one was actually there.

“Aqua!” she cried, running to her side and wrapping her arms around her. “Aqua, come back, please!” Aqua didn’t respond so Kairi began to shake her.

Aqua inhaled sharply, tension laxing in her hands. The light seemed to return to her irises. “Kairi? What happened?”

“You weren’t responding,” she answered and added, almost hesitantly, “What did you see?”

Aqua refused to meet Kairi’s worried gaze. “It’s getting worse, isn’t it?”

Aqua suddenly slammed her fist onto the countertop. Kairi covered the injured hand with her own. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I have no choice. Aqua…we have to let go.”

“I can’t.”

“You have to. It’s just as Yen Sid said…it’s going to destroy you,” Kairi implored with a squeeze, “Surely, you can see that.”

Aqua sighed, her chest heaving as she did. She was tired and Kairi couldn’t blame her. How could she? She was tired too.

“I don’t care if it destroys me, Kairi. If it means I can still see them and talk to them, I don’t care what happens. Ven and Terra are everything to me.”

The words felt like a slap to the face. Instead of focusing on the fresh wave of hurt, Kairi forced her concentration on Aqua. She couldn’t lose someone else.

“I know they are, I know how much Ven and Terra mean to you. Sora and Riku were my entire world, and in some ways, they still are. But there’s no way to bring them back, and I know they wouldn’t want us to suffer. Maybe if we do it together-” Her voice faltered. The thought of letting Sora and Riku go hurt so much, but if it meant Aqua would live, she would do it.

Aqua’s glance dropped to the marble countertop. Kairi bit down on her lip. She couldn’t be sure she was reaching her. She gave her hand another squeeze, hoping that it offered at least a fragment of comfort.

Finally, Aqua spoke. “You’re right, Kairi. Ven and Terra wouldn’t want me to suffer.” There was a sudden fire in a voice. “They would want me to finish what they died for.”

Kairi inhaled sharply, “Aqua, what-?”

“I have to go back and defeat Xehanort once and for all.”

Fear surged through Kairi. She sounded like Riku. She sounded like Sora. No, no, _no._ Not again. Aqua turned to leave the kitchen, still muttering to herself about her plans. Kairi instinctively leapt at her, wrapping onto the nearest part of Aqua’s body; her right arm.

“Kairi? What are you doing?”

She squeezed her tighter as though she could keep her confined to the kitchen that way. “Please!” she gasped, “Don’t go. Don’t do this.”

“Stop this. I have to face him again. I have to do this for them.” Aqua attempted to wrench her arm free, but Kairi refused to budge. “You’re being ridiculous!”

Kairi’s fear turned to anger. She shoved Aqua away from her and shouted, “You’re the one being ridiculous!” Her body shook violently as tears she didn’t want to shed made their way down her pale cheeks. “What makes you think you’ll stand a chance, Aqua? Yen Sid has been forced into hiding because of us. No one has heard from Merlin since Radiant Garden fell all those years ago. The King couldn’t even beat him. Why are you so eager to die by his hand too? Do you really think that’s what your friends would want?”

“I have a respons-”

“Cut the bullshit! I don’t want to hear about your responsibility. The only responsibility you have is to yourself and your loved ones. The worlds are lost, Aqua, and we both know this isn’t about that. This is about your inability to live without your friends. Don’t throw your life away.”

“I have no life to throw away.” Aqua’s body seemed to slump, fire extinguishing. “If I fall to Xehanort or if I waste away here, it doesn’t matter.”

Kairi’s heart broke for her. She knew what it was like to think that way. She could clearly remember the first few months after Sora lost his heart. Nothing mattered then. She’d contemplated sneaking onboard a gummi ship and returning to the fight just so she could expire where he had.

Sora had died and taken the light in her heart with him. She’d been wading through darkness ever since that day. It wasn’t until she’d managed to walk to Aqua’s home and demand in on her plan that she was able to come to life.

She wasn’t going to let Aqua embark on a suicide mission. They both knew she wouldn’t come back alive. Aqua was no longer the master she used to be.

 

* * *

 

_The once golden room was now shrouded in darkness. Kairi had to struggle through black tendrils to see Aqua at the center of her dead master’s office, Keyblade in hand, reciting the spell in the forbidden text. The atmosphere was thick and oppressive, and threatened to expel the last bits of light Kairi had left. She rubbed her arms to defend against the chill that permeated the space._

_Aqua’s eyes suddenly looked up from the pages that had captivated her attention since she began reciting them. Kairi gasped at the change in her appearance. Her eyes were a sickly shade of gold. Her hair was losing its color, bleaching to silver._

_“Aqua, no!”_

_This had been a trap. She should’ve trusted the horrible feeling she’d had when Aqua had opened that book and declared it had the time spell she’d been looking for. Kairi should have never suggested they search the dark texts. She should’ve known Xehanort had probably trapped them with spells of his own._

_Aqua didn’t react to the sound of her voice. Her soul seemed to have been sucked out of her, but she was still chanting the words in a deep, hollowed voice. So unlike her usual soft, maternal tone. It was terrifying._

_She struggled to move toward her, fighting against the push of the dark pools that surrounded Aqua. If she didn’t make it time, Aqua was going to be swallowed whole. Her feet had already disappeared underneath their goo-like, purple surface. If only she had a Keyblade. If only Sora were here to help her._

_The pages ripped themselves out of the book and began attaching to Aqua’s gray skin. They covered everything but her mouth that continued to speak words Kairi couldn’t understand. As she neared arm distance, Aqua suddenly raised her blade and pointed it to her chest._

_“No!”_

_With her scream, a burst of powerful light shot from her body and swept through the room._

 

* * *

As Kairi stared at the broken woman before her, she realized something. It had been more than hope of having Sora and Riku back in her arms that had revitalized her. After all, she would’ve left after their failure if it had just been that. Aqua had kept her here. Aqua had given her a reason to stay.  

“Your life matters to me,” Kairi found herself whispering, “You’re the one who brought me back, Aqua. Maybe I’ll never be a Princess of Heart again, but I know as long as you’re there I’ll never be a puppet either. We need each other, don’t we?”

Aqua took a step back, bumping into her refrigerator and knocking a few magnets to the ground.

“Aqua?”

She looked horrified. Kairi frowned and looked at her bare feet; had she said too much? She supposed she’d sounded…intimate, but she’d never had a reason to believe Aqua would react this way to her words.

“Kairi-!”

Her head shot up. Aqua was sinking to the floor, pale as cracked eggshells, clutching her head, face contorted by her obvious pain.

Kairi dropped to her side, placing her hands on Aqua’s shoulders. “Aqua, what’s wrong? What’s happening?”

“She’s…I can’t stop her!”

Kairi struggled to understand what was happening. Aqua was panicking in her arms, screaming about some woman that was tormenting her. She gritted her teeth. She didn’t have the Keyblade, but she still knew some magic spells.

She placed her fingers on Aqua’s temple and whispered a cure spell. She hoped it would be soothing at the very least. Aqua’s frenzy ceased and her body slumped against hers.

“Aqua?”

Aqua’s eyes fluttered shut. She appeared to be trapped in a restless sleep. Kairi could see her eyes shifting rapidly underneath her eyelids.

“Aqua!”

The only response she got was barely audible. “No one can save me, and no one wants to.”

“Aqua, no, that isn’t true. I want to save you!”

She felt the all too familiar chill settle upon her skin. Darkness was radiating from Aqua. Kairi held her tighter, slipping her arms around her torso and pulling her back into her lap. Her presence didn’t help. The lack of light in her heart only worsened the darkness. Kairi could feel her own inner turmoil rising to the surface of her skin. She gasped as the tendrils began seeping out of her pores. She lifted a hand from Aqua’s body and watched as dark flames seemed to engulf her.

“I-Is this how it ends?”

The will to fight left her. She couldn’t help but think this must be fate’s hand. What other end for them was there? Aqua had lost her precious husband, brother, and father figure to the darkness. She’d lost her magical ability trying to bring them back. And now she’d lose her heart to despair. Kairi had lost her best friend and the love of her life to a fight against the very thing she’d suddenly become. She’d lost nearly all the light in her heart the day Sora died, and then she’d lost the rest to the trap in the Land of Departure.

Her eyes felt heavy. Her vision began to cloud. She tried to focus on Aqua’s strained face, but she was becoming lost in the all-encompassing darkness that was swallowing them.

_“Kairi!”_

She chuckled darkly. That almost sounded like Sora.

_“Kairi, it_ is _me!”_

It couldn’t be. She struggled to open an eye or lift a hand, but she lacked the strength. She felt herself sinking, drifting further into the void. Her body became weightless as she fell away.

_“Kai, c’mon. Snap out of it. This isn’t you.”_

“You’re not real.” Her voice sounded foreign in her ears and seemed to echo again and again.

_“If you go too far, you’ll lose your heart!”_

She smirked. “My heart belongs to darkness, anyway.” Resigned to her fate, she stopped fighting and let her body descend deeper and deeper.


	3. After Loss

Aqua opened her eyes to see stars. There were so many distant, twinkling lights painting the night sky. It was a night sky that felt painfully familiar. She lifted her right hand, reaching, hoping that her finger tips might brush just one of them.

“Aqua. You awake?”

She jolted, lifting her upper body from the grassy ground. She glanced around her, confused. She was back home.

Terra offered her his hand. She hesitantly accepted, happy to feel how solid his hand was as he pulled her to her feet. She was immediately yanked into his chest and held securely in his arms.

“Terra, what’s happening? How are we here?”

“We heard your cry, Aqua. You were sinking into the darkness.” Terra’s voice was softer than she remembered. She raised her head to look at him and was surprised to find tears in his eyes.

She felt a hand touch her shoulder. She turned her head to see Ven clearing his throat with a pointed look.

“I believe I was also promised time with the lady,” he joked, extending his arms toward her.

Aqua practically leapt at him. Ven barely managed to stand his ground as she squeezed him as tightly as his muscular frame would allow. She could feel his arms holding her just as hard. Terra soon had his arms around both of them and Aqua finally felt at home.

Ven suddenly snickered, “Aqua, you’re such a girl. You’re crying.”

She smirked. “Guess the two of you are girls too,” she teased, daring to take a step away from their embrace and look at them. Terra and Ven looked the same as they had the day they died. Then again, she supposed they couldn’t look any different.

“Aqua, we’re not just here for hugs,” Ven announced with a determined look, “We’re here for an intervention.”

Terra nodded his head solemnly. “And we only have until sunrise to say what needs to be said.”

Aqua glanced at the dark sky again. She wondered how much time that truly was. She didn’t want to waste their time together on a pointless pursuit. There was no changing her mind.

“Terra, Ven, it means everything to me that you’ve come, but it’s too late. I can’t be saved.” She turned away from them, unable to bear their heated stares. “I’m sure you know what I’ve done. You know that I can’t go back.”

“No, you can’t go back.” It was Terra who confirmed her worst fears. She’d fallen to the darkness. There was no redemption, just like there was no regaining her abilities. His hand grabbed hers and squeezed. “But you can move forward, Aqua.”

Ven swiftly moved to stand beside her. His eyes were also fixed on the stars. As if anticipating her thoughts, he added, “And that doesn’t mean facing Xehanort, just to be clear.”

“We don’t want vengeance, Aqua. We just want you to live freely and happily,” Terra continued, interlacing their fingers. “And if I’m being honest, I’m happy you can’t fight anymore. I don’t want you to lose your heart the way that we did.”

Aqua was trembling. She didn’t want to believe what she was hearing. Surely, Terra would never say he was _happy_ she wasn’t worthy of being a master anymore.

As if reading her mind, he quickly added, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Ven grabbed her free hand before she could say anything. “Aqua, you don’t know what it’s been like for us watching you fall apart. You were driving yourself crazy, literally, and you never even realized it.”

She blinked. “What do you mean?”

“I’m talking about your magic,” he replied with a slight frown.

Aqua shook her head. “I-I can’t use magic anymore.”

She felt Terra’s hand grip the small of her back. She hadn’t even realized she was backing away from Ven. “Aqua, you’ve been expending all your magic bringing your memories of us back to life,” Terra explained with the gentlest voice she’d ever heard him use, “What you were seeing wasn’t us, it was your magic creating those scenes.”

She was silent, letting the information sink in deep to her heart. Truly, she’d always known. Aqua had never been superstitious or into the mystical. To her, even magic had its roots in something scientific and logical. How could she have never realized the creations were her own? The answer was simple. She hadn’t wanted to consider it. She’d wanted to believe Terra and Ven were contacting her from the grave. That was a less painful explanation.

“The woman is as well?” she asked quietly.

“At least partially,” Ven replied, eyes returned to the stars, “Part you. Part the dark magic in that book.”

“When you recited that spell, you were surrendering your abilities to its will. Luckily, Kairi interrupted it before it could completely consume you. Instead of being a slave to it, you’re only hosting it as its feeding off your power,” Terra explained, “It was a trap Xehanort tried to lay for the Master years and years ago.”

Aqua chuckled, “But I fell for it.” She shook her head, disappointed by her own desperation. “How can I defeat this? If Kairi’s light wasn’t strong enough to destroy it completely, how can I?”

Terra and Ven released her and turned to face her. She was surprised by the smiles on their faces. They seemed perfectly at ease, like nothing was amiss.

“It’s simple, Aqua. Kairi’s light couldn’t destroy it because you wouldn’t let go of what it sustains it. The darkness,” Terra explained, “Let go of your darkness and you’ll be free.”

Aqua bit her lip. “There’s nothing simple about that.”

“Sure it is!” Ven chirped. He hopped directly in front of her, earning a ‘hey’ from Terra who was forced to step away. Ven placed his index finger on her collar bone. “Tell me what keeps you in the darkness, Aqua.”

If he’d asked her moments ago, she could’ve written him an entire novel about what had brought her down, but now she was at a loss.

He smirked knowingly. “Got nothin’, right?”

She swatted his hand away and crossed her arms. “So what? It’s hard to explain in words,” she grumbled, suddenly feeling like the roles had been reversed between the two of them.

“No, it’s not. It’s us. When you lost us you fell, and you didn’t want to get back up.” She refused to meet his eyes. “Aqua, I know you blame yourself for what happened to me.” She couldn’t resist stealing a small glance. His blue eyes were burning with determination. She’d never seen him look so serious about anything. “It’s not your fault, okay? Xehanort put an end to me, not you.”

Her throat constricted. “But I should’ve-!”

He quickly covered her mouth with his palm and wagged his finger at her. “Nuh-uh. Aqua you were at my side instantly and because of what you did, I didn’t feel any pain. You took care of me like you always have.” Ven released her to wipe his eyes. “I couldn’t ask for a better friend. Well, if I’m being honest I did kinda look at you like my mom sometimes too and that was true then. I was glad I got to see you before I - you know.”

Aqua couldn’t stop herself from crying. It was too much or perhaps it was just the right amount? She opened her arms and held him tight, remembering all at once that he was taller than her and had grown into a bright, young man before he passed. The thought made her cry harder.

Terra cleared his throat. She raised her head from Ven’s shoulder to look at the surprisingly uncomfortable expression on her husband’s face.

“Guess that would make me your dad,” he muttered, almost to himself, “Weird…”

Aqua laughed despite herself. Of course that’s what Terra was focused on. He’d always wanted to be a dad. Her smile dropped. It was the one thing she could never give him.

“Aqua, don’t. You know I don’t blame you.”

She released Ven and stepped closer to Terra, stopping within arm’s length of him. “You don’t have to. I blame myself for what happened. You were right to tell me to stay behind, but I stubbornly didn’t listen to you…”

He tapped his chin. “I can’t correct you there, Aqua.” She froze. “You _are_ stubborn.”

Her hands flew to her hips. “What?”

Struggling to hide a smile, Terra continued. “I’m not saying it’s a _bad_ thing. It’s just historically your stubbornness has pushed us onward. You were the one that refused to be outdone by me as a kid. You were the one that refused to let me slack off on my training. You were the one that dragged us out every night to see the stars. You were the one that first suggested what the Master didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him-” At this Ven laughed.

Aqua narrowed her eyes. “Oh, and what’s next? I forced you to marry me and seduced you into my bed?”

Terra chuckled, “And here I thought you were going to take that secret to the grave!”

“Terra!” Aqua groaned.

He laughed, “Okay, okay. I’ll be serious.” His larger hand gently swept a stray strand of blue hair behind her ear. “It’s not your fault. None of it is.” The sincerity and love in his eyes brought back her tears. “Please stop blaming yourself.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” she confessed weakly.

“Let us help you,” Ven suggested, offering his hand to her. She grabbed it and then linked hands with Terra.

The three of them stood, hand in hand, facing each other. Without another word, Terra and Ven closed their eyes and light began to emanate from their bodies. It was warm and gentle as it flowed into Aqua. Her eyes fluttered shut as she was immersed in her own memories.

She saw herself as a child, chosen by Eraqus and taken away to the Land of Departure where Terra had been since the day he was born. She watched as their friendship bloomed, developing and deepening further with Ven’s arrival. The three of them and Master Eraqus was all she had ever needed or wanted. They were her family.

They grew up so fast. Faster than she remembered. Before she knew it, spending nights with Terra were riddled with sexual tension she couldn’t explain and the way she looked at Ven had morphed into something more maternal. Their first kiss. Having ‘the talk’ with Master Eraqus. Ven’s lashing out at being ignored. Their Mark of Mastery exams. Their journeys to the other worlds. The proposal and wedding. It all zoomed by her and paused on the day the Master passed and Xehanort put his horrible plan into action. She could perfectly see the cruel look in his golden eyes as he ransacked their home, robbed its secrets, and forced them to flee from everything they once knew.

The battles were grueling. They were all hurt so many times by their foes and by each other. Aqua had forgotten how riddled with pain and grief their last years were. And when she lost the baby, it all seemed to explode.

_“Why couldn’t you just stay put? You didn’t have to do that!”_

_“So, I’m just supposed to wait on the sidelines and watch him destroy you?!”_

_“Stop shouting at each other! We all know that’s not what this is about!”_

Aqua felt herself trembling. She couldn’t face this. She couldn’t relive their demise again. More light coursed through her, soothing the puncture wounds in her heart as she watched Ven fall to this death.

_“Aqua, I-I can’t-”_

_“Ssh, Ven. I’m here. I’m right here.”_

_“S-Stay with me?”_

_“Always.”_

Her last kiss with Terra was wrapped in love that didn’t fade even as he was struck down for the final time.

_“Terra, stay with me. Terra…please…don’t leave me like this…”_

She opened her eyes and she wasn’t alone. And since she wasn’t alone, she was able to bear the pain. It oozed out of her in tears and broken sobs. In their arms, she released her anguish, bitterness, regret, and despair. It leeched off her skin in wisps of black floating into the slowly brightening sky and evaporating. Terra and Ven held her until every last drop of darkness was gone, until she finally felt free.

Aqua wiped her eyes and exhaled deeply. Her body felt lighter than it had in a long time. She smiled genuinely as she looked from Terra to Ven.

“Thank you for coming. I can’t thank you enough for staying with me through all this.”

Ven grinned. “I’ll always be with you, Aqua. In your heart.” He placed his hand on his own chest. “And you’ll always be in mine.” He took a step back. “But it’s my time to go.”

“Not without another hug, you won’t!” Aqua declared before launching herself at him. She felt his arms grip her before he disappeared from within her grasp, but this time she was okay to let him go.

She looked to the sky. The sun was beginning to rise. Soon, Terra would have to leave too. As if on cue, he wrapped his arms around her and rested his head atop hers. She sunk into his chest and breathed in deeply.

“Do you have any regrets, Terra?”

“No. You completed the short life I had, Aqua. It was perfect because you were in it.”

She turned to face him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He pulled her in and placed a kiss on her lips. But one wasn’t enough and soon he was covering her skin in his gentle kisses. She felt herself melting into his expert touch, leaning into every grasp and caress, savoring the heat of his body. With one last, smoldering kiss he pulled away from her with a satisfied sigh.

“If I keep going, I won’t be able to stop,” he breathed.

Aqua rested her head on his chest. “I already don’t want you to.”

She could feel his sharp inhale. “I’ll be brief then,” he answered, “I want you to have my Wayfinder.” She lifted her head to look at him. “And I’d like to have yours instead.” He kissed her forehead. “The way I see it, we don’t have to find each other anymore. But since you can’t always see me, I thought it might be comforting.”

She soundlessly reached into her pocket and placed hers in his hand. He smiled and pulled out his own, gingerly wrapping it with her fingers.

“Whenever you feel lonely, look at it and you’ll see me.”

Aqua nodded. “You’ll still watch over me?”

He placed his palm against her cheek. “As if I could ever stop.”

She glanced at the sky again. “There isn’t much time.”

His gaze was filled with desire. “I better hurry then.”

She traced her finger down his chest, stopping when she could feel the outline of his belly button. “Not too quickly, I hope.” Leaning forward, she placed a kiss on his neck, near his Adam’s apple.

“I remember what you like,” he grunted before taking possession of her mouth in one swift movement. His lips muffled her cries of pleasure as they sunk to the ground, desperately grabbing at and ripping away what separated their bodies.

Never in her wildest dreams did she ever imagine she’d be with Terra again. Feel his skin against her own. Hear him whisper her name with abandon. Smell his earthy musk. She surrendered completely and committed his tenderness to her memories.   


* * *

 

_“Kairi!”_

She fell into something solid. Shock gave her the strength to open her eyes. Kairi looked up into a familiar, aquamarine gaze. She gasped and struggled to move, but Riku held her in place.

_“This ends now.”_

The darkness was displaced by bright rays of sunshine. Her cold feet were suddenly bare and coated in warm sand. Kairi could hear the gentle sound of the waves crashing against the play island’s shore.

Kairi’s mouth fell open as she stared at the two of them. Sora and Riku, looking healthy and happy. The three of them were together again. She dared step closer and a place a hand on each of them. They were solid underneath her cautious touch.

“You’re really here,” she whispered, mostly to herself, “We’re really together.”

“We’ve always been with you. There hasn’t been a day I’ve left your side, Kairi,” Sora assured her.

She ripped away from him. “You died, Sora! You died and left me.” Her attention turned to Riku. “And _you._ Why won’t you wake up?”

“Kairi, listen to us!” Riku suddenly demanded, sounding more authoritative than he ever had, “We don’t have much time and there’s so much the two of us need to tell you.”

Kairi clasped a hand to her chest. Her voice was small as she asked, “What do you need to tell me?”

Riku took one of her hands and held it in both of his. “Kairi, tell the mages to let me go,” he implored, “I’m not going to be able to wake up, and even if I could, my body is too weak now.”

She felt her heart break. “W-What?”

He smiled a smile so sweet that it crushed her. Riku, the guy who was never one to show much affection, held her hand like he was afraid to let it go. “Kai, you’re the younger sister I never asked for, but always needed. If I could, I’d be by your side every day, especially since this goober over here can’t be with you anymore.”

“Hey!”

Kairi giggled despite herself. There was nothing light-hearted about this moment. Yet somehow, watching the way Riku and Sora interacted shot a warmth into her chest she had been sure she would never feel again.

Riku squeezed her hand, drawing her attention back to him. “Promise me you’ll do as I ask.”

“I-I promise.”

He bent down to her eye level. “Swear it.”

Kairi had always envied how he could be so playful and serious all at once. “All right, I swear!”

He placed both of his hands on her slender shoulders. “Live, Kairi. Live the life the three of us always dreamed of. If you do that, I’ll be able to rest in peace.”

“Riku…”

“Anyway, I know Sora’s dying to have some time with you so I’ll leave.” He leaned down and hesitated a moment before placing a small kiss atop her head. “I should’ve told you before, but…I love you, Kairi. Thank you for caring for someone like me.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes, struggling to maintain her composure. She didn’t want to spend their last moments together falling apart. She’d done that enough at his bedside. “I’ll never stop. I love you like the brother I always wanted.”

He stepped away, walking past her so she couldn’t see his face. His back was facing her when she turned after him. He lifted his hand to his face; she could hear the deep breath he took in.

Straightening his spine, he continued. “That means more to me than I can say. I’ll be watching you, Kai. Till we meet again.” He turned his head. Kairi could see the tears shimmering in his normally stony gaze.

“Riku-!”

“Sora…I’ll be waiting.” He disappeared without another word. His body transforming into small, blue lights that floated into the island sky.

Kairi bit her lip to keep from crying. However, as soon as she looked at Sora’s face, it all came out. She collapsed into his chest and sobbed. Somehow, she knew that would be the last time she saw Riku as she remembered him.

“I can’t say I remember you ever crying this much.”

She punched him and pushed away. “Is that what you really want to say to me right now?” she asked accusingly. However, the mirth in her eyes betrayed any possibility of her truly being offended.

The pair settled in the sand, facing the rosy hues of the sunset. Kairi couldn’t remember a day that had passed so quickly between them. She could feel her anxiety spiking. She had so much to tell him.

“We never got to talk about the drawing,” Sora began softly. His eyes were fixed on the sky. They had an almost other-worldly glow behind them.

Kairi placed her hand atop his familiar, tanned one, as if to keep him from floating away. “We didn’t have to. We both knew how the other felt. And Sora, that hasn’t changed for me.”

His gaze turned to her. “But Kairi, I’m gone. This time I can’t come back to you.” He seemed to stumble on his words. “You gotta stop waiting for me.” Sora placed his free hand atop hers. “I should’ve thought more when I ran to save you. I should’ve guarded you closer. I shouldn’t have let you be cornered to begin with. I have so many regrets, Kairi. But I also know that if I had to do it again, I would. I would always give my life for yours. So please, don’t blame yourself for my decision. I gave my heart freely.”

The words hurt but she could not deny their reality. “Sora, I-I know,” she faltered, “I just can’t believe you’re really gone.” She lifted her hand to his cheek, surprised to feel how fuzzy it was.

Sora blushed and added, “I-uh, don’t get much of a shave anymore.”

“That’s something you have to worry about now?” she asked incredulously.

He rubbed his cheek with his finger. “You’d be surprised about the things you still have to worry about.”

Kairi paused. No wonder Riku didn’t want to be stuck anymore. “I guess I’ll find out, won’t I?”

Sora knit his brows. “Not anytime soon, Kairi. That’s why we came. I couldn’t let you sink into darkness.”

She found herself at a loss for words again. How much did Sora know?

As if he could read her thoughts, he added, “You were right. I didn’t save you so your heart could fall to darkness. I wanted you to be able to live happily for the rest of your life.” His hand traveled to her shoulder. “There’s so much I wish I could’ve given you.”

Kairi smiled sadly. “There was so much I wanted to give to you too.” She leaned toward him and rested her head on his shoulder. His arm was soon wrapped around her as they sat.

There was no need to say anything else. Sora knew everything she’d been through. Somehow, he had kept his promise to her. He was always there. Even if he was not tangible or visible. Kairi found this comforting and bittersweet. Selphie had been right when she joked Kairi had fallen for most dedicated boy on the island.

“Sora,” she spoke softly, “You know, there’s never going to be another guy.”

“Kairi-”

She shushed him with her finger. His lips were as soft as she remembered. “It’s my choice.” She stuck her hand into her pocket and pulled out the charm as if she’d known it would be there when she needed it. Kairi placed it in his open hand with a smile. “This is my promise to return to you. When the time comes.”

Sora gripped the charm tighter in his hand. “Okay, Kairi. It’s a promise.” He turned away to secure it in one of his several hip pouches. “Is it okay if I give you something?”

“What is it?”

Sora grinned, cheeks flushed. “Uh, just something. Stand up.” She raised a brow. “Just indulge me for a moment, will ya?”

Kairi rolled her eyes but consented. She stood and swiped away the grains of sand that had clumped onto her clothes. Sora knelt in front of her with his hands behind his back. She could feel her heart begin to pound in her chest.

“What are you-?”

“Kairi,” he interrupted, “I’m not letting you stop me this time.” Suddenly, it felt like there was a coconut lodged in her throat. “I wanted to marry you and spend the rest of our lives together, but…I-I can’t do that anymore.”

“Sora-”

He silenced her with a watery smile. “Kairi, I’ll always love you. Will you accept this?” He revealed the small ring he’d made with a flower stem. “I know it’s nothing special, but I thought I could at a least-”

“It’s perfect!” She extended her left hand so he could slip the ring onto her finger. The fit was loose but Kairi loved it. She admired how the small, yellow flower looked between her fingers. Sora grinned up at her, clearly enjoying the look on her face.

He stood, finally, meeting her eyes with a tender expression. All the words she wished to say vanished. Everything she needed to communicate could be said through their gaze. Wordlessly, they kissed and fell into each other’s arms. She relished in how tightly he held her against himself.

He rested his forehead against hers and took in a shaky breath. “I have to go now.”

She bit her bottom lip. “Do you have to?”

He hesitantly nodded and looked to the sun that was quickly disappearing into the ocean. “I’m afraid so, Kai.”

She clung to him as tightly as she could. “I love you, Sora. It’ll never change.”

He cupped her chin with his hand and pressed his other against the small of her back. She could see the sorrow in the blue of his eyes. It was deep and remorseful and so unlike the Sora she remembered. He’d been suffering as much as her, perhaps even more, since he had to watch her fall apart.

“I’ll wait for you this time,” he swore, soft as silk.

She kissed him swiftly, pressing her lips against his as hard as she could. Sora returned her fervor and desperation, threading his fingers through her hair and fully capturing her head. She pressed against him, needing to feel him against her for as long as she could. She took his mouth for her own as he conquered hers. How she longed to merge with him completely. They burned for each other, steam floating into the air in the form of moans.

Reason escaped her. Air escaped her. And soon, Sora did too.

She opened her eyes and she was on the floor of Aqua’s kitchen once more.

Kairi blinked. Had it all been a dream? She could still taste Sora on her lips. She glanced down at the left hand that was holding Aqua’s sleeping form. The ring was there, smiling at her, if that was possible. She smiled back.

“It was real,” she whispered, hardly comforted by the words.

“Terra,” Aqua groaned. Her eyes fluttered open. She lifted her head from Kairi’s body and looked around her kitchen as though she’d never been there before. “Terra?”

“They’re gone,” Kairi answered, “But they were here. They were really here.”

Aqua opened her right hand, releasing the amber wayfinder that had been in its grasp. She quickly grabbed it before it could slip out of her fingers completely.

“You’re right.” She lifted her head and smiled at Kairi. “They were here. They were really here.” She placed her hand on her heart. “And they’ll always be here.” Kairi placed her hand over Aqua’s and nodded.

The two women sat in silence for a few moments before succumbing to their tears. It was too sweet. It was too sudden. They held each other and finally said goodbye to their dearly beloved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> This was honestly a compilation of personal grief that I've experienced this year. I needed a place to put all of the pain and misery, and I'm pleased with what I was able to create. I hope that you enjoyed it and felt the emotion behind these words. Let me know what you thought. I'd love to hear from you.


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